I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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