I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
