This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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