You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
how drunk are you?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her