Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
