ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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