I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
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Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms