can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
