you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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