it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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