DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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