my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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