I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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