Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
