yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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