I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
