just come out here and I will go home with you...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
