No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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