Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
