i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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