I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
