guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
