Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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