Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
