if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
