i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
