I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
