no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
