ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
