Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I AM VODKA MAN
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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