also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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