some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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