Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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