I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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