We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
