Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
