My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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