I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Boobs speak an international language.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
