i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
