he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
