Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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