I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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