Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
