I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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