why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
