his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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