apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
