turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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