It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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