I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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