my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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