I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Alive.
So much puke
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
