and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
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I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
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Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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