The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
false alarm. still invincible.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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