I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
