so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
