I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
