I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
