I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
