i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think people are normalizing furries
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
