I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
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i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
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Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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