im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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