I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
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screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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