I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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