just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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