We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
