So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just pee around me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
