I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
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Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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