Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
