i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
