Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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