Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
