apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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